I CAN FEEL IT COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT.
AND I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR ALL LIFE.

ITS OVER BBS.
I mean, the exams.
that determines the entire direction of my life.

good results = med school/law school.
crap results = K-ROAD.

anyway, i read a book about prostitution.. about this girl who turned into prostitution because of a man she loved. well, guess what i did bbs? i laughed when i read the cover.

then i read the book.. and then i thought .. oh wow, crazy shit people do for what they claim is love. its fucking crazy, but hey, whatever helps get me through 3 hours of boredom.

i dont know how this wavered to prostitution but yaaaa... my point is EXAM IS OVER BBS. Joanne is now a college graduate. Oh gawd. if uni doesn't accept an application, I'll be flippin' fatty burgers to fat maori's in Maccas with a WAGE OF OF $11.90 AN HOUR MINIMUM WAGE.

Omg bbs, i think i've lost it. exams -_______-
sooooooooo.. now im just going to not think about exams, and focus on doing whatever the hell I wanna do for three months. well, except getting married, turning Muslim and maybe knocked up. Daddy and mummy might not like that.

OKAY THEY WONT LIKE ANYTHING I DO.
BUT EXAMS ARE OVER, I'M OLD. FUCKING LIVE WITH IT.

Pssssh.

ummmmmmmmmmm.

oh now that i've heaps of free time perhaps i'll practice my parking. sucks real bad. y'knw, REALLY bad. LOL. if there is a space like say 1-10 and perfect parking is at +-5. I'm either at 3. or 8. my papa cracks up all the time. well, what the fuck ya think? its a fucking huge ass odessey.

oh umm.. i've graduated from Carmel College. STRAIGHT, and still UNHOLY. SO YEAH, I MADE IT TO THE FINISH LINE. OH hello boys ;)

shoppin' here sucks so i aint gonna bother shit.
shanuki is going back to where she belongs and to be honest i'm kinda glad cos i've had it with her shizzles. Zzzzz.
amanda and i are going clubbin' with sherry our luv, and also a foursome with pua. who is going to give a man a lap dance. and wear her slutty dress.

me in my slutty dress too.

OH, AND I'M STILL FAT - not much has changed there :(
wow guys. i'm like.. pre-uni now.

pretty fucking weird. still cant get around to grasp the concept, the idea that im in UNI 0_0 (i mean, if i get accepted).

ooh guys. 28th november is my PAPA'S BIRTHDAY. HE'S OLD NOW. 42 YRS OLD. SO OLD. BUT I STILL FACKIN LOVE HIM ANYWAY. MUAH MUAH PAPA. I'll get your some socks when I go shopping, as promised. You'll get your beautiful sports car when I'm loaded up my ass. ok? offer still stays.

it is also XIAN HUI'S BIRTHDAY. FUCKER MACHAOHAI, i lost my phone.. somehow, while studying.. i mean i know its somewhere.. just cant be fucked finding it.. you know, being asian, with exams.. my whole mood is like MUST STUDY. MUST STUDY. BLAH BLAH REACTS WITH BLAH BLAH EQUALS BLAH BLAH. AHHHHHHHH, PANIC. MUST. STUDY/.

so.. when i find my phone, i'll text you some belated birthday shizzles.

oh. now we need some sorrow.

my baby, eugene.. passed away on 25th November 2008(alonso turns 27).. due to trouble breathing. or smth, i'm not too sure. but what i know is even though I'm not too entirely sure about my own beliefs in gods, I truly sincerely belief Eugene is up in Heaven with mother M and Jesus, where everything is beautiful and everything he deserves. I wasnt there to carry him one last time, or kiss him one last time. I wish I could.. but life isn;'t fair. Anyway, Eugene is an angel sent from Heaven to change and touch our lives. But his time on earth is cut short, like a candle that extinguishes before it completely melts.. but what can we do? He has returned to where he belongs - someplace better than earth. How can I be selfish to want to keep him here when he is so peaceful and joyful in Heaven?

A eulogy to Baby Eugene. - WHICH I WROTE. WEll, partly. mostly are copied from the internet. but still, i mean it the same. I love you baby, rest in eternal peace.

To eugene, love Godpa and Godma (from my parents - but written by Joanne)

Eugene, you are so special and send from heaven above. Long before you were born,
A meeting was held quite far from Earth, "It's time again for another birth”
Said the Angels to the Lord above, "this special child will need much love."

"I'll lend Eugene, this child of mine for a little time," the Lord said.
"For you to love while he lives,
"It may be short but his life will bring much joy”
"But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?” said the Lord.

"He'll bring his charms to gladden you, but should his stay be brief,
“You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief,
"I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
"But there are lessons that Eugene will teach down on Earth that will touch your very hearts”.

"I've looked the wide world over in my search for parents who
Will do this special job for Me.
You may not realize it right away, the leading role I have asked you to play.
"And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.”
"Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
"Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?

I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
"For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness; we'll love him while we may,
And for happiness we've known forever grateful stay.

"But should the angels call for him much sooner than we'd planned,
"We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

But with this child sent from Heaven above comes stronger faith and richer love.
And soon you'll know the privilege given
In caring for this gift from heaven.

This precious charge, so meek and mild
Is My Very Special Child.

Eugene, our dear sweet boy, we as your godparents truly believe you are an Angel sent from God above to us. You’ve touched our lives the moment you arrived in your own special way. You’ve taught us humility, you’ve given us strong faith and you’ve taught us to never give up. Most of all, you’ve taught us to appreciate the little joys in life… like the joy we get from carrying you, the joy we get when we look at you, and planting a kiss on your forehead. You’ve taught us the joy of being contented and being eternally thankful for the blessings we’ve been granted everyday.

Eugene, may you rest in eternal peace in the perpetual light of Christ. We will always love you, and you will always hold a very special place in all our hearts. Through your life the hope, love and joy of Christ lives in us.


pps, the holy and godly part is obviously contribution from my parents. i gave them the idea though..

MY FUCKING GOD.

WHAT THE FUCK???

We spent like one.fucking.hour arguing and exchanging swear words with one another.. for what? for fucking what? just for you to say.. oh im not going anymore.

i mean, then what the fuck did we just argue about? huh? it started off simple enough. i skipped school today to study at home. i always do that before the externals. and then i get a text of you swearing at me because i didn't come to school. diu nei lan jiao. why the fuck do i put up with you? who do you think i am? your girlfriend? well news flesh here fucker.. i'm not. and don't go around acting like you own me or you're my boss here. my ass is my own. and you don't own it. okay.. so then we went on talking about the party tonight. i said, i'll go.. but i don't feel like going.. well because its in amanda's house. and if i'm being honest.. i don't like it there. its the ganster part of town.. with alot of rotten furniture. and people i'm not familiar with. and to be honest, i rather stay in my house where i LIKE MY FURNITURE AND CAN BOSS PEOPLE AROUND LIKE I LIKE.
okay, fuck you. i dont wanna go. the place is ugly, the company is ratty and fuck, exams are in 29 days. and i really need to get into med school.

but noooooooo, you just had to say WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

oh i see.

so i can swear back too, mother fucker. in fact, i can swear better than you. i TAUGHT you how to swear, blackcunt.

and after that.. you can tell me bout how i have to chill in life.
dude, have you met me? i'm like the chilliest person in goddamnlife, goddamnit.
sorry i had to worry bout exams, i worry too much blah blah.
well, when your mother was alive, i would love to say the same thing bout you, but i didnt, did i? i feel like its too low to slap this in your face.

----------------

all my life, i've had so many piss me off but i never did anything about it. you swear at me all the time, i never said anything.. i always had a borderline sarcastic smart ass comment but i never said how i truly felt.

well, now you know. stupid black cunt. another 19 days of school then i never have to see your face ever again.

you lost your mother.
you can lose me.

I'm not going to apologize for not updating frequently. Its not that I don't have enough time. I live in New Zealand. Time is on my side, you know? I can feel it passing by every second with the clock going tick tock tick tock tick tock... z's.

Sooooooooooooooo.. you're probably wondering why I don't update anymore. Well, its because my life sucks. I can elaboarate on that with reasons. First being, I live in New Zealand (you will see this is going to be repetitive and annoying). Soooo in New Zealand, people don't like things we Malaysian do. I will explain this, in time. Second being, I'm in an all girl CATHOLIC school. Can you imagine living with that combination? So yes, my life sucks.

There is nothing exciting going on. People here do not understand me at all. I get fatter and fatter each day trying to stay warm by eating alot of food (NZ is a great producer of dairy products, dairy products=fats).. and the saddest part would be not being able to get my driver's license till February. FUCK THESE RULES.

Oh, and I still curse as much as I used to. No changes with that.

Oh, also, I'm surrounded by real losers who really do not understand or interest me at all. But as Etain said, I'm a survivor. You know, this place being Heaven for those over 50's and all, so I'm going to continue blogging and being funny and strong because I will not let this place take my soul. I WILL BE STRONG and tell you honestly, bout all the details that pisses me off, how this place could put you to sleep just thinking of it, how I befriending people who I don't usually associate myself with. And I will stop pitying myself and start working on making this pepole's live a living hell. You can drop suggestions.

This is the real life story, no bullshit, yo.

Damn, I sound like I'm from Chanel E!

Kay, updates soon. Peace out, bitches.

sup?

i'm such a gangsta wannabe i have like two gangsta's phone number in my phone contact list.
rawr.

i wear hoodies now.
i listen to r&b and start going ''she she licks me like a lollipop''
i don't know why i like that song so much, especially the part where they sing ''shorty wanna tug, bottles in a club, you know i like to touch, your lovely lady lumps''

although i dont wanna touch anybody's lady lumps.
pua and i have been acting super gangsta. we don't act friendly to peploe anymore hahahaha.
my favourite word now is ''YO''
everything is ''YO''

anyway, we sing along to our iPod during study, its fucking hilarious. we put on our gangsta hoodie (school, black) and start doing our yo yo yo rap. i got a piggy back ride and pua dropped me.

thanks.

anyway, shanuki's mum passed away.
....
its always so sad.
i have alot to say but i feel as though i dont love you people enough to share my personal feelings, but i went for the funeral.
you know school's cool when your form dean fakes a note for you and then drives you to the funeral.
but that didn't happen for me though, i asked my parents' permission and skipped half a day :)
my first funeral.
i couldn't describe how it feels. i couldn't imagine how shanuki must be feeling right now.
the part that ticked me off is when she saw her mum one final time and they had to close the lid of the coffin.

that feeling.

god...

*

i seriously seriously fucking dislike michelle.

*

and, i got caught by my librarian sending dirty emails.
its so funny.

 i bet your penis has shrunk to the size of a peanut i feed my neighbour's ugly dog.

so basically, i replied smth liek that to someone who has been harassing me for weeks.
and the ONE TIME i decide to do smth about it, which sadly happens to be in the school library during religious education (HAHA, irony), i get caught by the librarian who replies smth like

THAT IS DISGUSTING.
screaming liek that from her table as though she's gone mad.
although i got an earful from her and mrs.ryan after that.
long story cut short, i'm never stepping foot into that library again.
dont judge before you know the story.

xo